Personal conflicts occur so frequently in our daily lives, that would be almost impossible to try to resolve every single one of them. Everyone has their own unique ways of dealing with conflicts, but what I personally feel about conflicts is that they arise due to differences in personalities and way of thinking. Hence, so when we resolve personal conflicts, we are actually resolving personal indifference and getting one another to compromise.
A personal conflict I would like to share happened during my attachment stint when I was in polytechnic. During the first week, I had lunch together with the rest, and the root of the conflict sprung from the fact that all of my co-workers smoked, whilst I am a non-smoker. Needless to mention, I was fed up with the fact of being a passive smoker for 1 week, and I declined their invitation for lunch subsequently with various excuses.
Well, I got 'exposed' one day when I 'caught' was having my lunch in an air-conditioned shopping mall by a few of my co-workers. Later back at the office, one of them casually asked me why I was there. I managed to evade further questioning with some quick excuse, and from then on, they did not ask me along for lunch. Till this day, I still think they had the impression that I did not like to eat with them, which I did not attempt to explain because it was just a short term issue as I would not be seeing them once the attachment period was done.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Dear Adrian,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you were involved in such a misunderstanding, but I'm glad you're so upbeat about it.
I found the post interesting and light-hearted as you seemed to use an informal tone which still seems appropriate. It makes the entry very relatable, easily making people take your side (even though I'm sure that wasn't your intention).
The main cause of the conflict at hand was simply difference in attitudes as you're a non-smoker in a group of smokers. Personally, I have been involved in a similar situation but luckily for me, my 'lie' was not discovered. However, perhaps if you wanted to resolve the conflict head on, you could have had an informal conversation with your co-workers, simply explaining your preference for a smoke-free environment. In that manner, they will not harbour any ill feelings towards you, for thinking that you simply did not enjoy having lunch with them.
There were a few grammatical errors, but I'm not too certain whether you intended for it. Such as the first sentence in the third paragraph, "when I 'caught'" which perhaps should have been 'when I was caught having lunch".
Other than that, your post was very clear and concise, without beating around the bush. Thank you for sharing your conflict.
With regards,
Jihan Abdat
Hey Adrian,
ReplyDeleteFirstly, thanks for sharing. I had the same problem but in my case, it was my cousin whom I had to avoid. For me, I told him about my issues with smoking or even being a passive smoker after he confronted me about me avoiding him. It was easier as we were close and things could be said openly between us.
I admit that in your case it is difficult to make things clear by telling them your preference as it might result in you being left out too since everyone else smoked, they might not have understood your stand. Yet, you could have tried to tell them in a friendly manner if you were bold to try so as to prevent any misunderstandings. Hopefully with the help of no-smoking areas these days, it might help reduce situations like this where it is difficult to resolve the problem. However, if you were close to one of the co-workers, you could tell him your concerns with regards to smoking and that you are not comfortable so that he may help you relate to the others instead of allowing them to think that you did not like to eat with them. Moreover, it is an uncertainty as to whether you might meet them again where you might require their help, thus it is good to resolve it amicably or even just let them know your stand.
There are many 'what ifs' in situations like this, however, as long as you know what you do is right and you are comfortable, it is alright.
Your post was easy to understand and the content was concise. Thanks for sharing :)
Ying Hui
Hi Adrian,
ReplyDeleteYour post is short, concrete and direct to the point. Your essay is also cohesive as your ideas naturally follow each other.
From my understanding, the cause of conflict is related to the fact that you were a non-smoker and did not want to be the victim of passive smoking. Your co-workers, being smokers, made you become a passive smoker during lunch time. In your post, you mentioned that everything happened in the first week of your internship. This time-frame could have been too short for them understand that you were a non-smoker who did not like passive smoking. (some non-smokers do not mind passive smoking). I will not question the fact on why you lied when questioned, as it could be a typical knee-jerk reaction to lie on the spot.
However, from there on, one way to solve the problem if for you to approach the co-workers, apologise, explain your reasons and hopefully they will understand you. From there on, chances are that they would still invite you for lunch, and not smoke altogether during lunch time.
Regards,
Christopher.
Hi Adrian,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your sincere and concise post and i share the same experiences with you as well.
I am against passive smoking as well, but this is personal preference and i am not against the person who smoke but rather the act itself.
One suggestion would be to state that you are not particularly fond of second-hand smoke by non-verbal actions such as walking away , clearing the air by waving hands, or show that you are uncomfortable. This could help clear the misunderstanding that you are uncomfortable being in the smoke and not because of being with them.
Perhaps, it would help clear the air between you and your co-workers ,literally as well, and they might continue to invite you for lunch but not the smoking session.( I believe they cannot do both simultaneously.)
My few cents worth.
Remember to proof read as it helps in the flow of sentences.
Regards,
weng yin
Dear Adrian
ReplyDeletePerhaps your first paragraph could have referred to some theories on resolving conflicts when you wrote about resolving personal difference (you don't mean indifference, do you?).
Perhaps you could sum up your peers' responses and write what you now think of the matter.
It appears you avoided the issue because you didn't think you would be in the place for long. But, sometimes, you never know when your paths may cross again, and it might affect trust if you have to work with them again.
Since you were already eating by yourself, what were you afraid of if you had told them the truth? Did you think they would not understand a non-smoker's point of view?
This issue will come up again when you go out to work and meet clients etc. You have to decide where to draw the line.
Regards
Happy
Hi everyone,
ReplyDeleteI'm appreciative of your comments in attempting to help me resolve the conflict. Unfortunately, I no longer keep in contact with them, and I think by now, they would most likely have only a vague impression of me as an attachment student.
I agree that I should have faced the issue instead of avoiding, but I was rather young at that time and I did not want them to think that I am rude to comment on their smoking habits after lunch yet still agreeing to eat with them, thus creating an irony.
Perhaps I should have declined their invitations from the start, or made it clear but politely to them that I did not want to be a passive smoker. If they were unreasonable enough to ignore that then I think it would be only proper that I should consider my health interests first.
Thanks to the no-smoking prohibition in all eating establishments, my future woes of encountering a similar situation are greatly reduced.